あなたはお父さんになるでしょう

-Dad, I want to get married. -Apologize first. -For what? - I’m sorry. - But for what? What I've done? -just apologize. -but... what is my fault? - apologize. -For what??? - apologize. -Please, at least tell me the reason! - apologize. -okay, dad... excuse me!!! -Now you're ready. your training was successful. when you learn to apologize without any reason, you can get married!

-Darling, you will soon become a dad. -They called from the Vatican?!

Maksim! yes, I used your laptop (I didn’t find the charger for mine) p.s.: maybe you should delete your browsing history in the browser - your grandmother would be shocked! p.p.s.: you know that your browser has a special thing for this, I think it’s called “incognito mode”, good use! dad.

your mom is so fat that when she sunbathes on the beach she squeals.

I don’t want to scare you, but dad said: one more deuce and someone will “get pussy”

The husband wakes up after a brutal drinking session, looks, the linen is washed and ironed, hung on the high chair, breakfast and a bottle of beer on the table. the wife left for work without saying a word, without hysterics. he says to his son: son, what happened yesterday? Dad, you came home drunk at two in the morning and fell on the bed. and when your mother tried to undress you, you said: “Don’t touch me, bitch, I’m married!”

“I fucked your mother” - relatives

did you think we were joking? fucking admin

The little daughter comes up and whispers in her ear: Dad, I’ll tell you something now, you’re going crazy! The father, clearing his throat, replies: thank you, daughter... no need... I'm already crazy!